sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
