My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
