hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
