Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We are two peas in an std pod
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
