I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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