I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
