Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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