His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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