My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
