Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
