I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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