I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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