I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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