it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont even know how to be here
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
