By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just want nice things and good sex
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
