i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
