Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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