I accidentally had phone sex last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
