she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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