We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
