i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
