Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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