Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
