the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
