I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
