'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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