Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
