I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
