So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The uberlube is also flammable
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
