You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
