You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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