I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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