Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
how does that bad decision feel?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
