remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
