Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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