um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
