Swine flu. Run for my life!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
