i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
