I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
