well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
