Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize