I can feel you judging me through the phone.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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