We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
