Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
