The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
