Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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