When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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