I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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