Ambien. No doubt about it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
