I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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