Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Still dying that you shit outside
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
