finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
