Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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