you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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