He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
