I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
