It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Randomize
