i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
