Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
