we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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