you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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