Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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