i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
