lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
