Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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