'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
