i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
