Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
