This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We had sex on a dog bed..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
