I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
