some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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