pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
