i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
