This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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