i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
