I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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